Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
