is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
