YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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