ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize