Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
