At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
