Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
