My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize