I can tuck mytits in my pants
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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