You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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