he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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