So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Two words: blizzard sex
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
