Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
There's always time for handjobs
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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