I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize