hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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