it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
