I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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