Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
