I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
