come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
