I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
