dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
