Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
