Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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