Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize