Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
