its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
