The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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