"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize