If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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