That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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