More tranny stories later!
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
