Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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