sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
