Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
