What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
