I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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