u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
