The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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