So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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