wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
