my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She's the barista slut.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
