This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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