under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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