I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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