Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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