Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The air was thick with penises
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
