this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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