Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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