I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
