Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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