we made out on top of his cat.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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