People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
