What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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