I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
