u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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