My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
