I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
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