life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
being pregnant is like rehab
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
