i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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