I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize