does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I need to sanitize my soul.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
