3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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