Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
