is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
