I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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