Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
