I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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