I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
