Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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