You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize