I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
