I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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