I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
