I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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