there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My vagina is officially offended.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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